I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
