Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
