Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
