bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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