I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
