I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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