so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
