When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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