yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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