i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
