She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
