i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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