i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
