My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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