I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
