Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i drank out of a bidet.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
