I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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