Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
