If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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