the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
