so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
