That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
