I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
