I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
