Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
