So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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