DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
