You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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