oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
