Don't make out with my wife yet
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
