i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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