I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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