He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
