If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize