ya dads aren't the best wingmen
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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