Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
