If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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