Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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