she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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