And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
only you would photoshop your dick
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
