So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
