she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
