I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
