she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
