i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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