Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
