They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you win again, gameday.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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