Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
