I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
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Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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