youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
