I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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