dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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