I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
