You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
