Who did Billy Mays play for?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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