just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I need to sanitize my soul.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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