I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
