nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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