long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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