I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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