Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
