He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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