I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
A bitchslap is in order.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
