You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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