I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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