No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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